 |
||
|
||
Friday, June 13, 2008 Dear Koen, You turned 28 months old last week. As I reflect on your mental and physical developement during the month of May, I'm amazed at how much your are growing up. What really amazes me is that you have put your obsession with Thomas and Friends to the side and have now moved on to Go Diego Go. Don't get me wrong, you still love trains very much. You just aren't into Thomas Trains as much as you used to be. Perhaps Thomas is lacking something you need at this point in your life - imagination. Diego, however, spends all of his time in the Rain Forest rescuing animals in trouble. Maybe its his ability to swing from trees like Tarzan that draws your interest. Or maybe it's the fact that a 9 year old boy can drive a truck, unsupervised, through the forest with his freakishly bigheaded cousin Dora the Explorer. Perhaps it's because Diego carries an Action Pack (backpack) that can transform into a snowboard, jet ski or whatever he needs to help him rescue an exotic animal in trouble. The best part about you being so much into Diego is your dancing when his theme song comes on during one of the many DVDs you now own.
Recently, I received an email that linked to an article on Esquire.com by Tom Chiarella. The article is titled "The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master." As I read through the list I started to question some of these skills. For instance, #1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. #11. Swim three different strokes. #16. Tie a bow tie. #31. Make a bed. #55. Point to the north at any time. #74. Know some birds. The intro to the article speaks of a man not needing to be an expert at anything, yet he does need to develop a certain number of skills, so when called upon, he can come through for someone. After reading the list more than once, I questioned its depth and actual substance. It's easy for a guy to call himself a man based on a few measly skills. However, what really makes a person, "A Man?" The following is my list of "The Top 5 qualities every guy needs before he can call himself a MAN." I hope that once you are old enough to read and understand this letter, you will have already attained a majority of these qualities. 1. Family always comes first. Family, whether it's direct, extended or a close friend, is the key to every Man's backbone. If ever the time comes when you need help or a soundboard, family will always be there for you. You can truly be yourself and not fear being judged on your actions or what you say. Family will always be open and honest with you. It should be the center of every persons life. Family plays a major role in your development into the person you become. The goals you set for yourself in your life are very much dependent on the life you have with your family.
2. Respect your elders. It's unfortunate that in this country we live in a bubble of youth and celebrity worship. Our elders were once equated with wisdom, honor, integrity and esteem - no longer. Koen, I expect more from you. I expect you to help bring back what is appropriate. Let me give you an example... (future) Your Mom and I are Senior Citizens and are enjoying an early breakfast at a local diner. After breakfast we're walking out to our car and your Mom loses her footing and falls. In mid-fall I try to help her but fall myself. Witnessing this is a group of teenagers who are laughing and not offering to help us. Instead they smirk and brush us off as though we are not there. How does this make you feel? I tell you, if ever I saw someone laugh at your Lola, Lolo, Grandma or Grandpa, they would have to deal with an obscene amount of Martial experience coming after them. Your elders are the key to your youth and knowledge, respect them.
3. Self esteem. Don't get this confused with Self respect. They are different. Self respect is having respect for yourself and knowing your worth as a person. Self esteem is your opinion of yourself. It affects how you think, act and how you relate to others. It affects your potential to be successful in life and is the key to happiness. Having low self esteem is the result of poor self image and negative thinking and causes unhappiness, insecurity and low confidence. If you project a negative attitude you'll receive negative attitudes from others. Unfortunately, you already have one strike against you. You have inherited the Pilapil Scowl. It runs deep with the men in our family. Your Mom is constantly reminding me to stop scowling because I have a tendency to look like I'm ready to beat up everyone I come in contact with. So be mindful of your scowl and I'm apologizing in advance for anything negative it might bring you.
4. Chivalry. I use this term not related to the medieval institution of knighthood, but to describe behavior towards women. The core to chivalry is to be a true gentleman. Unfortunately, gentlemen are a dying breed and are sometimes looked down upon by other so-called "Men." Never mind these people, they are self-centered and haven't had someone teach them right from wrong. You on the other hand will learn the following as you grow up and become a Man.
5. Integrity. Integrity is recognizing the difference between right and wrong based on principles, beliefs, morals and ethics. Simply put, "do unto others as you would have them do to you." Koen, integrity doesn't come to you overnight. Your morals and ethics may be a constant, but your principles and beliefs will change as you grow older and start discovering who you are as a person. You will hopefully understand the power of knowledge and make it a point to constantly strive for the truth no matter the subject. With knowledge, integrity isn't far behind.
These qualities may seem old fashioned, but in my eyes you need to be able to attain them before you can call yourself a "MAN." The fact is, you are only old fashioned in your mind. These qualities are necessary to make our society a better place to live. Don't ever fall into the trap of letting your peers dictate what is appropriate for you. You are your own person and can make up your own mind. You may think that I'm asking a lot from you...I am. Love, |
||
